by Casey Evens
If you have just gone through a breakup, then you are probably wanting answers on one of two things, either getting over your ex or how to get your ex back. Either option is hard, but almost everyone fits into one of the two categories, with very few of them actually being able to move on without some wishing and hoping.
On the top of your list should be to take a second and step back so you can really look at the situation of both your relationship and your ex. Think about how your life was and how your life is going to be now. Try to stay as objective as you can and put your feelings to the side while you do this. You will find that you either really want to get your ex back or that being broke up is not really as bad of an idea as you thought.
If after your step back you decide that you would really like to get back together with your ex then the first thing on your agenda should be to apologize. Now you may feel like you have already done this. Maybe even multiple times. But if you were saying you were sorry during your break up then your ex probably did not think you were being sincere, only that you were trying to stop the breakup from happening.
If you did something to your ex that deserves a sincere apology then consider apologizing again without trying to get back with your ex. Your ex will think you are sincere this time since nothing is hinging on your apologizing. When you have already gone through the breakup, then you won’t be apologizing simply to try and save your relationship, but because you are truly sorry and meant it.
If your ex is the one that should be apologizing, instead of trying to get them to give you a sincere apology, forgive them. You might not ever forget, especially if cheating was involved, but if you would like to get your ex back then you will need to be able to forgive them. Simply saying that you forgive them might not be enough for you to actually forgive them so you might need to read a book, or two, on how to really forgive someone. If you want to win back your ex then this step is critical. It can also prevent your relationship with them from having future problems.
If you do win back your lost love, 4, 6, or even 9 months into your newly fixed relationship, some of the old issues might resurface. If you haven’t really forgiven your ex for past issues, then you might have a very hard time getting past everything. When old wounds are reopened it is very likely that hurtful things will be said.
If you have fully forgiven your significant other, then there will be no need to rehash the past problems. While your learning how to forgive them for the problems that caused the breakup, forgive them for the breakup itself. This will save you a lot of heart ache down the road.
Another thing you can do to win back your ex is to show them the side of you that they fell in love with, not just the you who got broken up with. You were in the relationship because you had certain qualities that they loved about you like your thoughtfulness or kindness, not because you were hurt, angry, and a green eyed monster. While it will be difficult to hide that you are hurt, you should concentrate on being the best “you” that you can be and you might win back your ex by being the person that they fell in love with.
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