It is worth thinking about anger and aggression to have a deeper understanding of our emotions and work toward anger management. Often when a person feels frustrated he or she is subject to explode when their emotions are heightened. Frustration does not occur over night; rather frustration occurs when underlying issues come into focus. Frustration then is a deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and dissatisfaction arising from unsettled problems or unsatisfied needs.
So, anger is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to spring forth, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behaviour especially when caused by frustration. Aggression can be a good thing if your life is in danger, but in most instances aggression only causes problems.
Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective method of communicating your feelings to someone else individual without causing injury, destruction or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to take care of our rights when others want to wrong us. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of our life and avoiding more problems.
Therefore, if you are feeling frustrated, you may want to sit yourself down and review your beliefs, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the things that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you see anger brewing; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is out of order.
Assertive action against an individual who has done you wrong, can be far more effective than blowing a gasket. We can see from an example, how someone loses his or her temper and what the consequences are he or she must face because of this reaction.
For instance, two friends are in the middle of an an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other one. The ensuing violent episode attracts the neighbours who call the police. When the police arrive, both parties are put in handcuffs and both are taken to gaol. Their problems have increased as they both may have to pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. So, one problem has led to a series of other problems and it does not stop there. When the pair has paid off all of their fines, costs and so forth, they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, considering them immature, violent people not to be trusted.
Now let us take a look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scenario. A couple of people confront each other after one person has spread lies throughout the neighborhood about the other person. The victim of the rumours walks up to his friend and says, “Why are you telling people I have a drinking problem?” The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone you have a drinking problem”. “I don’t believe you, sorry!”, says the first person, “You told my best friend and he is not a liar”. “Well, I thought you had a drinking problem because you are drinking every time I came to your house”.
‘Because I drink every time you come to my house does not mean I have a problem. I refuse to allow you to continue dragging my name through the mud and nor will I allow you to visit my home again, if you continue lying about me. Friends do not harm other friends. If you have issues with me confront me with them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a wonderful job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove fruitful. Let us see what happens. ‘I am sorry; I did not mean to offend you. I will talk to you next time I have a problem with you. However, I am concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let us go to my place and discuss the issue’.
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